Conflict just is. Let’s make it productive!
Updated on September 10, 2026
Every year, I train and coach hundreds of professionals and university students in the skills of collaboration and conflict resolution. In working with these diverse individuals and teams from across the country and internationally, I have come to realize that a few simple shifts in how we see, understand, and deal with conflict can totally change our relationships with each other and ourselves—as well as the outcomes of our interactions—in profoundly powerful and positive ways.
One of the most important shifts is simply to move from seeing conflict as a problem and something to be avoided to instead seeing it as a healthy, normal part of life. The reality is, as I put it, “conflict just is”—it is unavoidable. We will not always see eye to eye, and we will not always want or need the same things. When we accept this, it frees us up to see that conflict, if properly handled, can actually be quite productive. Accepting and embracing that “conflict just is” empowers us to take responsibility for making conflict productive and avoiding things that will likely lead to it becoming destructive (such as ignoring it or personalizing it).
Another critical shift is to move from seeing the world through a zero-sum, either-or, or “fixed pie” lens to instead realize that the world is a complex place in which many things can simultaneously exist, in which many needs can be met through elegant “yes, and” solutions, and in which we can create value for everyone involved by having productive conversations and harnessing the co-creative potential of conflict. Unfortunately, our tendency to see the world as a zero-sum game often leads to a win-lose mentality, and in our struggles to “win” we often create lose-lose outcomes and don’t really address the problems that brought us into interaction in the first place.
A third powerful shift is to move from focusing on “positions” (specific strategies or solutions for addressing a problem or challenge) to instead focusing on “interests” (fundamental needs or concerns). When we are able to understand our own interests and the interests of others, we open the door for productive collaboration. Watch for future blogs about interests vs. positions and how to make this shift.
I believe that helping society work through our pressing social, economic, and environmental challenges is going to require that we rapidly become much more skillful in dealing with conflict. Thus, I am on a mission to help people embrace conflict and gain the awareness and skills necessary to make conflict productive. The blogs, tools, and resources I share on this website, as well as my talks and trainings, are all part of this endeavor.
If you and/or others you work with want to skill up to better harness the productive potential of conflict, or if you have ideas for how I can help foster a culture of making conflict productive, let me know.
Conflict just is. It is what we do with it that matters. Let’s make conflict productive and, in so doing, help our world flourish and better address the urgent challenges we face!